Ed Seeks The Solace Of Quantum

In fact I have been pushing for this ever since the government came to power nearly a couple of years ago.

A couple of billion over ten years is, of course, a piss in the sea compared to IBM’s quantum computing budget of $30 billion over five years or China’s $18 billion last year alone or the tens of billions being spent annually by the hyperscalers, but it’s a helluva lot for a UK procurement project.

What I’ve been explaining to the techno-muppets round the Cabinet table for the last eighteen months is that, while we can’t compete with the big boys on developing  commercial quantum computers,  we can develop enabling technologies for niche market opportunities.

The muppets tend to follow my lead on tech – they know no better – so, in anticipation of a favourable result to my efforts, I have had one of my offshore investment funds in the Turks and Caicos Islands form a startup pursuing graphene-based interconnect for quantum computers.

The important thing, when a tech gets fashionable, is to get in early with a startup which is which is potentially promising. It doesn’t matter if if the tech never works – the initial excitement of being on-trend will deliver enough investor money for the early backers to get out at a profit. 

The UK has a lot of cred for graphene research and my team produced a very plausible prospectus for our startup thanks to some helpful graphene boffins.

HMG’s £2 billion announcement is exactly the catalyst we need to spark investor interest in our startup. I have ensured that all the UK  organisations promoting tech UK startups for tax credit investment schemes are fully aware of the enormous opportunity for graphene interconnect technology in quantum computers.

 Meanwhile, my goodself and my henchmen are spreading the message in investor, political and media circles.

 After all, as a progenitor of this governmental largesse, it is only right that I should get my share.